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Confessions of a BiblioFAILURE

This little bibliophile has a confession to make: for months, now, I have been a complete biblioFAILURE.

That’s right.  I said it.  And it hurt.

I’ve hardly been reading at all.  And it gets worse: instead of reading, I’ve been sucked into the gaping black hole that is NETFLIX.  God help us all.  It’s bad.  So, as an act of penance, I’d like to tell the whole internet in gruesome detail all about the trash I’ve been ingesting.  Here’s what I’ve been watching:

Camelot:  This Starz maladaptation of the classic King Arthur tales kept me engrossed for all ten episodes.  A mewling, petulant, and unlikable Arthur (Jamie Campbell Bower) along with his sexy wizard (Joseph Fiennes) and friends bungle their way through the legends without scrimping on the nudity or profanity, swording and screwing each other all over 6th century Britain.

Hoarders:  This popular A&E program shamelessly exploits the victims of a particularly colorful and shocking type of obsessive compulsive disorder.  Accompanied by ominous music and therapists of varying degrees of likability, these unfortunates kick and scream through the grueling and humiliating task of clean-up with a camera crew breathing down their necks.

Obsessed:  When I ran out of episodes of Hoarders, I followed up with this similar series.  It exposes a wide variety of OCD manifestations in all of its twitching, counting, hair-pulling, obsessive glory.

Psychic Kids:  Fabulous, argyle- and scarf- bedecked medium Chip Coffey mentors psychic kids from age eight to 18 through the process of managing their otherworldly powers.  He drags these squealing tweens through haunted locations with hand-held cameras pointed directly up their acne-speckled noses, confronting ghostly entities with an attitude that would fit right in on an MTV reality show.  Oh, no you didn’t, ghostfriend!  And if you’re in the market for heavily applied eyeliner, face-obscuring haircuts, accessories from Claire’s and unbridled pubescent angst, you’re sure not to be disappointed!

Star Trek (1966): Enough said.  But really, guys, how many push-ups do you think Leonard Nimoy could do?  I bet he could do a hundred…no, two hundred.  While doing advanced mathematics.  How dreamy!